Thanksgiving

Another holiday has come and gone. We went to friends this year. I believe it is the first time in my life I did not spend Thanksgiving with family. It was a good change for our family and we are grateful for the friends who asked us to spend Thanksgiving with their family.

After a nice dinner we did the Harmer tradition of a movie while you are so full you cannot move. We went and watched Blind Side. Fairly good movie in fact I can see myself calling the coach on the phone during the game asking why he isn't running up True's hole.... But on the darker side Sandra Bullock said something that bothered me at the end of the show. She said she needed to thank God that her son was not killed in all the times he could have been. I turned to my loving but slowly tiring of me husband and asked, "whom do I thank?" Thought I would throw the question out to all those reading. I don't want to hear about all the blessings I have left but I want to know who all these mothers who have lost children and in my case two, thank for this hell on Earth..........

Deals with God

Does anyone believe that you can make deals with God? For example, If I quit being the terrible, misbehaving young woman and turn my life around and follow you, will you in turn never make me go through the pain of losing a child again.

Tonight at True's priesthood preview, yes I attended, a story was given of a mom who kept making promises to God if God would keep his side of the bargain in return she would get this or that and he would get baptisms and missions and such. Do you believe there are times, God is in the, "Let's Make a Deal" kind of mood. And how do you know if he really wants to make that deal, and you're not just left holding your end of the bargain in your hands, life in shambles, wondering where you went wrong? I am being a little sarcastic here but just wondering and putting out feelers, looking for maybe people I can cling to that might have a greater Karma than me.

Past the year

October 27th was the anniversary of Loughlin's death. We ran away to Florida for the week with the kids and kept every one's mind away from it except mine because all I could think is that I promised to take him there when he turned 16. Every place we went just reminded me that he would have loved it there or if only there were an even number no one would have to go alone. It was so hard! I put on my happiest face though for my family, for my kids.

Oh how I wish I could turn back the clock and do that day all over. I would look and see that truck. I have gave up on church for the time being. I don't believe and it is hard to pretend that I do anymore. Isn't there somewhere I can run that this won't follow me?